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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Forum Fun (Plume's respones to misguided browsers)

Sometimes, in my endless search for knowledge, I find myself on a site such as It is a decent concept; people type a question in the box and a planet full of know-it-all's are there ready to give their dubious answers. It pretty much simulates running into a gas station and asking for directions. The question usually gets tossed around between whomever happens to be there, until you leave with a map by committee that takes you in circles.

Everyone has to be a genius, and people type all kinds of crap, like, "Do I put a comma before 'but' in this sentence?", to which the first three replies are "yes I'm pretty sure," "I don't think so," and "sometimes." I wouldn't be surprised to see: "Is it raining outside in Spokane, WA?" and I'll bet you would see "yes"-"no"-"sprinkles"-"on and off"- and - "cats and dogs" before someone says, "Look out the f
$@&in' window!"

Well, here is one internet inhabitant that just missed the mark and, of course, my reply:

Some time ago, a poster named Livid349 asked a simple question; she wanted to know how she could check to see if her Texas state Driver's License was suspended. After receiving such pearls of wisdom as "
Call your local dmv or go there and ask." and amateur sarcasm like, "Hi, go to a person who knows you really well." (haha. nice try), she received this misguided comment (from a contributor who had over 10,000 "answers" thus far, no less):

Not everything is on the damn internet. Grab a phone book, look up the licensing office for the state that issued the license and call them and ask your question, they will have all the information you'll need to know."

Whoa! Spunky...with authority! She put her in place, straightened her out.

My response to the answerer, whose name was IMHO:

"'re wrong. Everything IS on the internet. Once you go through your stack of warped, ripped phone books trying to find the right county, you scour for your listing with a magnifying glass, hoping nobody ripped out the page you need. (At this point you are guessing, because this book doesn't tell you who to look for in what situation. it just gives numbers.) IF the number is still current, you will use the good ole' telephone to call, and you will get placed on hold for 10 minutes or more. Then some snotty, $12/hr government employee will answer. When you finally get the jerk to understand what it is you want to know, you will either be "patched through" to another person, who will need you to repeat yourself, OR you will be placed on hold again while your question is being investigated.

Do you know what the person is doing while you listen to another few minutes of smooth jazz?

Looking it up on the f---ing internet!

To the OP- You are on the right track. Using a phone, much less a phone BOOK, will soon be obsolete, BUT get the hell off of this mindless site, because you will get stupid answers like 'use a phone.'
(Yeah, and after that, go visit a travel agent to get cruise tickets. lmao)

OK, I'm going to tell you something that will change your life------ GOOGLE.COM ! Ask that guy! Type your question right in the box. You may get some irrelevant info, but soon you will get the hang of wording your questions right and spotting the worthless stuff. At it's worst, you will get the answer faster than any telephone operator, receptionist, customer service rep, phone book, encyclopedia, dictionary, cookbook, map, manual, pamphlet........and you never have to ask your idiot acquaintances anything ever again. ( so, no more, "Umm, I think it's over by.......ask Joe...ooh, yeah, I'm 90% sure............screw that. Actually, you will start to see how even the so called "experts" you know, like Jim the computer wiz or Bob the lawyer or even your dumb professors don't know all that much more than you will.........)

Jump into the matrix and enjoy eternal knowledge at your fingertips always and forever! hahahaa



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Thanks for reading that. Please add some comments, give an opinion, ask questions, disagree. I would love a healthy discussion on this, not to find a winner in this debate, but to find the truth.

- Professor Plume

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