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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Weekly Reality Check

Reality Check

Tough to Love

Damn I love Reality TV and "Tough Love Couples", as I mentioned in my last report, is the best show running right now, receiving the baton from " Sober House ", the beautiful disaster which showed us exactly how worthless celebrities actually are when the training wheels come off. Yes, "House" was rich programming that taught us valuable life lessons like: "Never take anything these pathetic prima-donnas say seriously, especially the imbeciles that love to give their mindless opinions during election time" and made it crystal clear to us that, "Alcohol is not going to kill Dennis Rodman!".
Now, we enjoy a journey into the deranged world of relationship drama which should quiet your own domestic quarrals, at least long enough for my man Steve to wreak havoc on the show's 12 guinnea pigs. Steve is the show's host and my nomination for most entertaining TV personality of the spring.*
*(Are we finally ready to admit that this group of amateurs filling reality rosters in bulk have to be considered entertainers? Are they talented? No. Are they an abomination? Yes. But, now that we've opened the TV studios to the public, it's time to own up. Take away the accomplishments and the last names and what you have are this country's TV stars. 90% have less talent then Kato Katelin, the out-of-work actor who slept on O.J. Simpson's couch, but every once in a while you get a character that brings more to the table than a crippled waiter, and Steve Ward is that.)

Don't get me wrong. The guy's a jerk and it's only a matter of time until he meets the same fate as Joey Greco, you know, the host of "cheaters", the show that exposed cheating spouses. Joey and his camera-weilding goons liked to get in close and taunt the perpetrator with disparaging little comments, that is, until he got shanked. It was a classic moment in the annals of Idiot TV. Lucky for us, Mr. Ward has no problem following suit as he sabotages these volunteer's relationships by uncovering their lies, all while cusing them out and consoling their partner. It's exactly the type of thing that gets you knifed in real reality, especially when the guy is "fat steve", who got hit in the face with every dodgeball that ever crossed his school's gymnasium during his 4 years, and who now gives advice on intimacy with mommy. Still, as long as I'm not the hot-shot frat boy whose blubbering to his old lady in front of the world, I love the guy and I can't wait to see who's next on his "hot seat."

I'm referring to the portion of the show where he decides which couple did the worst during the show's challenges, which range from a sex shop visit(designed to expose shortcomings in their bedroom) to a phony interrogation that was obviously staged well enough to squeeze out full confessions about fidelity. I know, I know, honesty is the best policy, but some things are better left unsaid....for the greater good. What do they say? "Good judgement need not be rational." or something like that.

Anyway, TV star, Ryan found out his own version of the concept when he came clean to his French girlfriend, Xcel( probably spelled wrong, sorry) about a sexual relation he had with another female "friend". Well, actually, Steve did his very best to pull it out of him and, once he say daylight, broke the story wide open, but that's what he does. It's no excuse for spilling the beans. He was weak, and so, his TV career is ended.

Ward told them in the very beginning; they will break up or get married. Something tells me the best is yet to come.


This is my food-channel gem that scrapes up three chefs, personal chefs to line cooks, from the far corners of the globe (well, ok, from New York) and asks them to present a three course meal, in timed rounds and with ingredients chosen by the network, to three judges. It's an awesome show with very exciting production, considering.

The problem is they jumped they shark, or should I say,the snake. Yeah, when they must resort to throwing rattlesnake in the basket, regardless of its place as a delicacy in some elite circles, it's a reach. When top New York chefs jump out of their skin when they see the thing, it begins to feel like Fear Factor. It's not Chopped from "The Temple of Doom".

So, while I do agree that throwing chicken, cheese and tomato sauce in the mystery basket isn't too exciting, watching someone gut a python belongs on a different cable station. If they can't keep the show entertaining without inviting a special needs chef to battle a trans-gender chef to a monkey brain cook off, it wasn't meant to be.

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